I killed myself then, my love...

"The last time i slept with you, you weren't quite satisfied... you wanted more from me.

I could not quite spill my semen in your unsatisfied vagina... i had lost it... and i killed myself then my love...

If u can remember there were instances when we were happy with each other.. u told me "oh my love my lover.. my artiste take me away.. for i am an illusion... this is not what i was asked to do... on being called art , i am supposed to stripe you of your creativity and when you have no more semen and nothing to offer me i should leave... but you my lover... you have impressed me... you masturbated on me... "

Then we left... i could never feel you physically though... i felt you when i was working... every creation of mine as you told me was our child... and some you did not want to keep so we abandoned them.... the rest i took care of very well... selling our children was the only way we could keep our relationship going... when the public started admiring our children we were happy... they loved them... they took them...

Sometime later when they wanted children very similar to one another we were intrigued... how could we do that? are they not interfering in our personal life... are we not supposed make love the way we should...when i tried making love with you the way they wanted me to... you were not satisfied.... I wore a condom which stopped me ... and of the children we produced they did not like them either.... and that was the end... i had exhausted my semen... and i killed myself them.. my love...........

The murder of Darkness…

“Once when I was air I traveled from the skies to the bottom I felt many things which were crude and ugly. Living was ugly…. And dying was crude…. I witnessed a murder every day… I felt the light dissect me…. I feared not for the light could cut only my color….. There used to be blood everywhere but I got a new skin now and then… For I was eternal and invisible… I become hot when the brightness cuts through me…. And with the pain I move…. When the pain subsides I become cool….. But not for long…. I have not had enough pleasure every time The pleasure begins when the battle begins… The battle between pain and pleasure….. sometimes for me pain becomes pleasure and pleasure becomes pain… To kill the pain I breed pleasure and to kill the pleasure I breed pain… And sometimes when pain becomes pleasure I am off without the battle… for the battle is a mere namesake…. Later when I got used to this battle I realized that the pain and the pleasure were quite the same… The darkness begins only when the battle ends…. It ends when the battle begins… For it was timid enough to sprint… It was we who fought for it…. The light is persistent… For it always murders the darkness….. And this is how the butchery happens…….. When the darkness takes over it presents everyone the whim of being anything they want… It has remained an enigma so far as the EXISTANTS have a fear for it…. The darkness wanders through the places and gives the presents…. But when the battle begins the light sends its brightness…. The Brightness in turn its soldiers…. They pass through the unknown layers, slit them and possess them…. Later when they reach us.. they not merely slit us but peel the skin off us…. They enter into us after the peel….. The pain begins … For it ends…. This is how the fate of all the air has been…. For all the air is whore… The whore who prostitutes itself to the brightness and the darkness…”

The city with one eye

“In a city where people had only a single eye and a single thought existed a man with two eyes and two thoughts,

He was deemed to be specially able; he had the power to look at one particular object in many ways…

Once a foreign object landed in the streets of the city, the puzzled citizens had not a clue on what it exactly was…

They called for the wise old two eyed man, he inspected the object with a great amount of concentration…

He came to the citizens and thus spoke the left side of his face

“Oh ye citizens of the holy city, the object which landed on the holy land is a mere pile of dust”

Thus spoke the right side of his face

“Oh ye citizens of the holy city, the object which landed on the holy land is a gift from the almighty build a shrine around it….. please move it not…”

And thus the holy city became holier. Generations later the people in the holy city started having two eyes and two thoughts,

The left side of every citizen spoke thus

“the pile of dust is growing to be a major concern”

The right side of every citizen spoke thus

“The shrine has to be re-built for the gift of the almighty is showering more blessings…”

A few years later the city perished as every left side butchered the right and the right butchered the left….

Dosar-The companion

Dosar is the last film which an ordinary film buff would like to see. Technically speaking it is one of the best films i have ever seen it.. Rituparno Ghosh is probably at the peak of his creativity.

The term conflict in screenwriting refers to the heart of the story, conflict is the reason why a story evolves even in the worst of the films. Generally the main plot of a has one conflict and the sub-plots tend to have many, Ghosh defies the rules this screenplay has 2 conflicts centered in one situation it is like having two faces with one heart.
Dosar is the story of a lady whose husband's extra marital affair comes to the lime light because of a road accident, his partner dies on the spot while he survives the wife(brilliantly played by Konkana) cannot come to terms with this though she has her emotions intact she is unable to even look at him, there is a beautiful scence in which Konkana wears her old fashioned cooling glass to defend her tears.
Meanwhile there is also a parallel plot about a middle aged woman's affair with a young boy who works with her, hell breaks lose when she is discovered pregnant. A confusion prevails through out the movie there is a dark underlying character of an abusive husband who is clamed to be impotent amidst him not showing up even in a single scene Ghosh charaterices the person well.
The script portrays extreme emotions imagine the following
1.A husband caught having an extra marital affair being possesive about his wife
2.A deceived wife convincing her husband about her wanting to have an extra marital affair
3.A deceived husband handing out a pack of condems found in his wife's bag to his wife's lover's wife! and asking her to use it effectively
4.A prostitute who is unmoved by a widower's sexual desire
5.The wife reading husband's messages sent to him by his lover

The conclusion of this film is very abstract , it portrays the complexity of the protagonist's character. She is deprived of sex butfeels guilty to deceive her husband so finally forgives him. The whole film is in black and white.... brilliant aesthetics...

Pyaasa......

Pyaasa in Hindi means thirst...... This was a film which made me realize certain things...... Influenced me(heavily) and finally inspired me to create this blog........ Read on.....


I was 16 browsing through the week's India today obviously looking for the pictures of actresses when i came across this article about Guru Dutt..... It had the poster of the film Pyaasa in it and the bottom line read as India's answer to Hamlet.... It made me interested.... I was in 12th std then so buying a DVD and watching a film was out of the question..... slowly the very title of the film started intriguing me...... Pyaasa in hindi meand thirst or the thirsty one(as wikipedia says) and yes i did watch the film after my boards.. probably the first film i saw after schooling.... Then began the my liking for cinema......


Pyaasa

Before going deep into the analysis of this classic film... Here is what i heard on its making.......

It is 1956 and the director of this film Mr.Guru Dutt is waiting in the sets of the film for the arrival of Dilip Kumar who was supposed to play the male lead.... the shoot is scheduled to begin by 9 Am.... It is 10.30 and no signs of Dilip Kumar as yet ... Mr.Dutt being a short tempered man orders the make-up man to make himself up... and lo he is ready for the shoot.... Thus started the making of a classic and contemporory masterpiece called "pyaasa"......

The film opens with an abstract shot of the sky.... a beautiful poetry in the backdrop narrated by none other than the protagonist Vijay(Dutt)...I do not want to go deep describing the movie scene by scene and hence here i choose to decribe the theme... Vijay is in streets with absolutely no money with him he is virtually a begger.... The reason for this being the evolution of a major revolution in his thoughts.... And the thoughts in turn is penned down as poetry....Vijay basically is a struggle between materialism and non-matrialism.... His thoghts are revolting he finds it completely useless to have two beings in the same body... two aspects in the same body... His material being is revolting with that of his intellectual being.... He is disturbed by the hard hitting fact of reality that almost 90% of the people in the world have given in to materialism.... He finds himself absolutely distanced from the rest of the world....

At this juncture he comes face to face with a gold hearted prostitute Gulabo(Waheeda)who sings a poetry of Vijay from his stolen collections though she initially insults him she later gains a lot of respect for him.... She becomes his bridge to reality.... A solace to his revolting self.... Their relationship grows.... Vijay meanwhile has a wild realization on how swiftly Gulabo handles he quest for intellect and her need for materialism....He starts feeling that an equal amount of importance is to be given to both materialism and intellect....

In a series of misunderstandings that follow people deem Vijay to have died of an accident but he is actully alive Gulabo sells all her jewellery to to publish his works.... Works are published.... Vijay comes back.... In a series of evets that follow Vijay is frustrated with life.. he finally announces that Vijay is indeed dead and leaves the room.... Goes to Gulabo and titles roll....

Other characters in the film are

Vijay's lover at college who has completly given herself in to money and luxury... Ditches Vijay to marry a rich publisher....

The oil seller-He is Vijay's loyal friend... always smiling and funny yet knows where exactly he is going....

There is sequence in the film wherein Vijay is put in a mental hospital deeming him insane.... But escapes... By this it is very evident that whay Dutt is trying to say... "All sane are insane and all insane are sane" he was probably inspired by Hermann Hesse....

It made a mark in me because it gave me a wild realizition of the struggle within me... a struggle of two beings which is on going even while i am typing... My material and my intellect.... Every human being struggles both physically and mentally... materially and intellectually... Although i realized this i was only able to change the name of my bluetooth device to "non-mateialsm".... I realized materialism is a cycle... to get out of it is not possible... I still have Pyaasa- The eternal quest towards absolute intellectual growth....

Introduction......

Well i am just another enthusiast who wants to share with people certain which left me spell bound... certain things which influenced me..... brought about a change in me.... made me think different... made me feel different.... finally made me happy or sad..... people please read on and post your comments on my interpretations be it corret,wrong or even controversial......

Read on.......